The Witches

In the not-quite scramble to adapt Roald Dahl books to the screen with the aid of cutting-edge technology, Steven Spielberg has Robert Zemeckis beat by a considerable amount.

Four years after Spielberg’s delightful The BFG, here comes his old pal/collaborator’s The Witches, which bizarrely feels like it’s sat on the shelf at least that long. It also fails to improve upon Nicolas Roeg’s beloved 1990 version beyond moving the story from England to late ’60s Alabama — a detail that ultimately does little beyond add a forced but nonetheless welcome diversity to a historically pasty tale.

In providing the film’s narration, the suddenly ubiquitous Chris Rock sounds like his Sudafed just kicked in as he educates a class about witches walking amongst us. The feature-length flashback to him as a mopey, newly orphaned kid (Jahzir Bruno), being schooled by his wily grandmother (Octavia Spencer) about their wicked ways is similarly stodgy, but moves along well enough thanks to an energetic soundtrack of R&B jams and occasional humor via her kooky running commentary.

But when their safety is compromised by a witch, prompting them to abscond to a seaside hotel where a witch convention just so happens to be taking place, the film truly falls apart.

As the Grand High Witch, Anne Hathaway embarrasses herself early and often with what’s presumably intended to be a campy performance, complete with big gestures and an ill-fitting, exaggerated Swedish accent. Further hampering her presence is bungled CGI work that makes her character’s barely concealed, extra-wide animal mouth look like rejected test footage from Venom.

The kid’s ensuing discovery of the witches’ plan to turn the world’s children into mice and his efforts to stop them with the help of some unexpected allies wastes little time hitting its marks. But while the speedy storytelling — by the would-be dream team of Zemeckis, Guillermo del Toro, and Kenya Barris — may captivate younger viewers, its sacrifice of character development in favor of juvenile yuks is likely to keep others who tune in at a distance.

Grade: C-minus. Rated PG. Available to stream via HBO Max

(Photo: Daniel Smith/Warner Bros.)