The Last Voyage of the Demeter
Dracula: I’m on a Boat. Dracula: Cabin Boy. The Life Aquatic with Count Dracula.
Whatever alternative titles one cooks up to make The Last Voyage of the Demeter sound more engaging, they can’t help save this plodding seafaring horror flick from director André Øvredal (Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark; Troll Hunter).
As viewers learn from an overlong prologue that uses both onscreen text and a redundant live-action scene to tell the fate of the doomed vessel, the film is based on the titular ship’s captain’s log chapter from Bram Stoker’s Dracula. And like the novel’s better adaptations by Tod Browning and Francis Ford Coppola, it features enthralling genre atmosphere, tactile sets, and inventive creature design.
But the horrendous screenplay by Bragi F. Schut (Escape Room) and Zak Olkewicz (Bullet Train) makes one wonder what attracted this ensemble of talented character actors to the project.
While the ship’s crew is assembled, including transient physician Clemens (Corey Hawkins, Straight Outta Compton) and first mate Wojchek (David Dastmalchian, Oppenheimer), unintentional humor arises from talk of dragons in the presence of Liam Cunningham, who memorably played Davos Seaworth in Game of Thrones and does what he can here as Captain Eliot.
Beginning with the crew welcoming aboard a mysterious box emblazoned with metallic crests of mythical winged beats, however, one almost craves seeing these accepting seamen fail, yet it takes a good half hour for bloodshed to occur. Sadly, no Renfield is below deck, but Anna (Aisling Franciosi, The Nightingale) awakens from her own dirt-filled crate and warns of a great evil aboard, adding minor excitement via the potentially of being a significant threat herself.
Instead of heeding her words, it takes a series of repetitive attacks and kills over the course of the next few nights for the crew to realize their lives are in danger. By then, The Last Voyage of the Demeter has lost whatever zest it originally wilded, and the presence of an impossibly fast Dracula — who brings to mind the love/hate debates surrounding fast zombies — does little to enliven the proceedings.
Nevertheless, the filmmakers save one great joke for last. Even more accidentally funny than the early dragon humor is an overly-confident setup for a sequel that almost certainly won’t be made — at least not by this hapless team.
Grade: C-minus. Rated R. Now playing at AMC River Hills 10, Carolina Cinemark, and Regal Biltmore Grande.
(Photo: Universal Pictures)
