Morbius
Often confusing though never boring, Morbius reeks of studio interference to a Fantastic Four (2015) degree.
While credited to director Daniel Espinosa (Safe House; Life), the barely coherent film feels cobbled together by outside forces using partially-completed footage and unfinished CGI, leading to frequent FX blurs that are difficult to decipher and play like the result of a young but influential higher-up at Sony thinking slow-mo freeze-frame imagery is the coolest thing ever.
Long before the first effects blunder, trouble is evident in the opening scenes at a Greek hospital — why Greece? Stop asking relevant questions! — for children with rare blood diseases, where it’s blatantly obvious that Michael Morbius (Charlie Shotwell, The Nest) and Lucien aka Milo (newcomer Joseph Esson) will be on a collision course as adults.
Playing into these Professor X vs. Magneto archetypes is but one of many head-scratching moments in the unintentionally funny script by Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless, the team behind such supernatural duds as Dracula Untold and The Last Witch Hunter.
Between them, the scribes don’t appear to realize that when Michael’s physician Dr. Emil Nicholas (Jared Harris) takes note of the tween’s clearly non-mutant skills and recommends he attend “a school for gifted youngsters in New York,” many viewers are likely to daydream of Xavier's School. Nevertheless, off goes Michael to the States for a Doogie Howser-type career in medicine, played as an adult by Jared Leto, bringing his usual level of competence to the screen.
Upon taking an experimental serum containing vampire bat blood, Michael becomes a different type of bat man, resembling a lab-created hybrid of Gabriel from Malignant and Neo, yet whenever Michael is around bats, Jon Ekstrand’s score flat out launches into Hans Zimmer’s Batman Begins themes, reminding moviegoers that better viewing options exist (at home).
As Michael comes to terms with his new gifts and bodies begin piling up, he attracts the attention of Agents Stroud (Tyrese Gibson) and Rodriguez (Al Madrigal, The Way Back), whose Serious Cop/Wacky Cop routine reaches an apex when Rodriguez attempts to summon a cat by shaking its litter box.
Such bizarre antics and the corny interplay between Michael and adult Milo (Matt Smith) frequently bring Morbius to “so bad it’s good” heights, culminating in two of the most shoehorned tag scenes since such things became the norm for comic book movies.
Whatever the circumstances were that led to these supremely flawed ends, Sony need not fret: Morbius feels destined to enjoy a long life as a midnight movie, perhaps with attendees shaking litter boxes during Madrigal’s big moment, a la throwing plastic spoons at the screen during showings of The Room.
Grade: D-plus. Rated PG-13. Now playing at Carolina Cinemark and Regal Biltmore Grande
(Photo: Sony Pictures)
