Jurassic World Dominion
So…locusts? They really went with locusts?
Yep, that’s the crisis at the core of Jurassic World Dominion, a bloated, lifeless end to the legacy series that continues its predecessor trilogy’s tradition of diminishing returns to a finale so pathetic that the IP deserves to go extinct.
Co-written and directed by Colin Trevorrow — who’s fallen harder than Icarus since helming the shockingly good Jurassic World — this lazy concluding chapter unites the new films’ protagonists with those from Jurassic Park under lame pretenses, yet manages to put them through increasingly dumber adventures that make one hope Sam Neill, Laura Dern, and Jeff Goldblum got big, fat paychecks for their valuable time.
All three of Isla Nublar’s original scientific visitors are indeed back, but about as energetic as a mosquito preserved in amber. While Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard), Owen Grady (Chris Pratt), and “friends” are consumed by the troubles of a planet where dinosaurs live alongside humans and other established wildlife, Alan Grant (Neill) and Ellie Sadler (Dern) appear stuck in the ‘90s. And though Ian Malcolm (Goldblum) is firmly in the present, his role in pulling all involved together is a howler for the ages.
Rather than confront the intriguing conflict of long-separated species coexisting around the world, Trevorrow and co-writer Emily Carmichael (Pacific Rim: Uprising) set their sights on the misdeeds of the Monsanto-like Biosyn Genetics, which has set up a sanctioned dinosaur preserve in Italy and is using the animals’ biology to engineer solutions for modern woes.
Ian — well, Jeff Goldblum, since his persona has overtaken any and all character traits for the chaostician — pulls in his old friends to covertly right the wrongs of Biosyn, and though there’s an explanation for why their comically transparent actions go unnoticed by an otherwise eagle-eyed security team, it’s one of many details that are likely to incite popcorn and boos hurled at the screen.
Other such outbursts may be prompted by lazy callbacks to the original 1993 film, including Lewis Dodgson (Campbell Scott, left to his own devices) and his modified Barbasol can that didn’t help Dennis Nedry much three decades ago. In more capable hands, these and other references might be met with cheers, but here they’re more likely to induce groans, including the synthesis of old and new casts.
Rather than inspire goosebumps on par with similar generational crossovers in Star Wars: Episode VII — The Force Awakens, their mingling results in so many characters onscreen at once that they resemble The Brady Bunch running around, attempting to survive dino attacks. That’s a shame, seeing as the dinosaur CGI on display is probably the most impressive yet committed to the screen, but without even semi-intelligent writing and filmmaking — further dogged by far too much time devoted to clone Maisie Lockwood (Isabella Sermon) and her mother Charlotte (Elva Trill) — it’s next to impossible to be invested in the slapdash proceedings.
Despite Jurassic World Dominion being a trilogy finale, there’s never a sense that any of its characters are in legitimate danger. Planes crash, seemingly smart dinosaurs attack, and biblical plagues play out in real time, yet there’s a feeling all involved have an invitation for the next inevitable series reboot in — if the break between saga low point Jurassic Park III and Jurassic World is the norm — 14 years.
By then, a more evolved filmmaker will hopefully have emerged to carry on Steven Spielberg’s torch, but if the property remains buried, you won’t hear any complaints from me.
Grade: D-plus. Rated PG-13. Now playing at AMC River Hills 10, Asheville Pizza & Brewing Co., Carolina Cinemark, and Regal Biltmore Grande.
(Photo: Universal Pictures)
