You Should Have Left
The latest in the long line of films with titles that unintentionally (?) sum up the motion picture’s quality, the new would-be thriller from the formerly reliable David Koepp (Secret Window; Premium Rush) goes so far as to include an admonition for hoodwinked viewers who remain in a theater or in front of a TV screen for the duration of this dud’s runtime.
In addition to insulting its audience — albeit in the most honest way possible — You Should Have Left also sets U.S./Welsh relations back decades with its tale of a wealthy American family that seeks to escape its “troubles” by vacationing in the world’s greatest country.
Reuniting with his Stir of Echoes writer/directer to far clunkier results, Kevin Bacon is a waste of space as patriarch Theo, whose mysterious “unmentionable” past is far more interesting than immature spats with his mismatched actress wife Susanna (Amanda Seyfried), yet receives less screen time.
And because it’s a modern horror film, You Should Have Left features a cute but annoying little kid — the couple’s young daughter Ella (Avery Essex) — whose incessant question-asking and spoiled actions prevent what minimal adult scares are present from hitting a groove.
This alleged tension comes courtesy of the house itself and Theo’s susceptible mind, a combination that’s sure to prompt comparisons to The Shining from viewers who haven’t actually seen The Shining. Further stirring the empty pot is plentiful foreshadowing from the Welsh townsfolk regarding a figure named Stetler, including big words from a cantankerous grocer who spouts satanic “riddles” like a discarded Stephen King character.
Full of poorly-written dialogue exchanges with minimal payoff, You Should Have Left clumsily handles Theo’s honest attempts to work through his issues and introduces supernatural elements with the deftness of a flashlight-wielding 8-year-old at a slumber party.
Meanwhile, tantalizing details like who exactly booked the rental house are tossed aside in record speed, the troubles the family encounters within the house prove wildly inconsistent, and, like most everything else in the film, Theo’s revelation on how to “defeat” its evil powers arises out of nowhere.
Even with all these misfires, You Should Have Left is still somehow better than Bacon's previous Blumhouse effort, The Darkness, solely thanks to Koepp’s awareness of tripods and lighting. Nevertheless, it remains a Serenity-level head-scratcher from another formerly reliable filmmaker and puts him in the cinematic penalty box for the time being.
Grade: D-plus. Rated R. Now available to rent through the usual suspects
(Photo: Universal Pictures)
