Snow Knights
Residing somewhere below the double feature prestige of Barbenheimer and ConclaVenom is Snow Knights, the completely inappropriate and not recommended twofer of Disney’s live-action Snow White and — speaking of double trouble — The Alto Knights, a mob drama featuring Robert De Niro playing two characters.
Not that anyone in their right mind (critics included) would undertake such a cinematic challenge, but it's currently on the table and the only pairing of March 21 new releases that lends itself to hashtag-friendly marketing buzzwords.
Is either film worth seeing on its own? Snow White comes closest. Though not quite on the quality level of the Mulan, Cinderella, and The Little Mermaid remakes, it's not far off.
500 Days of Summer director Marc Webb’s return to filmmaking after an eight-year TV detour honors the spirit of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and tastefully updates it with modern technology — particularly the dwarfs. Though they come close to crossing into the uncanny valley, these CGI versions of Doc, Bashful, Sleepy, Sneezy, Happy, Dopey, and Grumpy are just too damn charming to hate and earn their nostalgic goosebumps while singing “Heigh-Ho” and working in their mine.
“Whistle While You Work” likewise receives a loving rendition, one of the many opportunities Rachel Zegler receives to show off her lush vocals and big-screen charisma as the titular rightful queen. Gal Gadot puts less of distinct stamp on her turn as the Evil Queen, to the extent that her grip on the throne feels far weaker than her cowering minions would have viewers believe.
Elsewhere, new tunes from the Oscar-winning team of Benj Pasek and Justin Paul are neither offensive nor memorable, and writer Erin Cressida Wilson’s emphasis on the power of community in the face of great evil feels particularly relevant. But as with the rest of these Disney remakes, it’s tough not to think of it as primarily a cynical cash grab and a means of retaining copyright.
The Alto Knights, however, has even less of a purpose. Despite the pedigree of De Niro, director Barry Levinson, and screenwriter Nicholas Pileggi (Goodfellas; Casino), this fact-based story of mob boss friends-turned-enemies Frank Costello and Vito Genovese has the anonymous look and shaggy storytelling of an HBO original movie — from 1998.
Give audiences 100 guesses and hardly anyone would say Levinson directed it. That’s not just because most viewers probably aren’t aware he’s still making movies, but that the subject matter feels far outside his wheelhouse.
Indeed, Martin Scorsese almost certainly would have made this overly-familiar material into something special, starting with talking De Niro out of this wacky experiment. While attempting such a high-wire act as an octogenarian is no doubt a feat, we’ve seen this legend play these types of characters plenty of times, particularly ones with his distinct brand of mumbly, over-sharing dialogue (that really only works in Scorsese films).
Additionally, the prosthetic makeup De Niro wears as Vito makes him so closely resemble a chubby Elias Koteas that one wishes Levinson would simply have cast the character actor and asked him to put on a few pounds.
Despite these drawbacks, the director nevertheless starts out strong, combining his footage with archival newspaper and crime scene photograph inserts that give The Alto Knights an appealing enough energy. But as tensions flare between the childhood buddies, the film becomes a parade of clichés that can’t end fast enough.
Snow White: C-plus. Rated PG. Now playing at AMC River Hills 10, Asheville Pizza & Brewing Co., Carolina Cinemark, and Regal Biltmore Grande.
The Alto Knights: C-minus. Rated R. Now playing at AMC River Hills 10, Carolina Cinemark, and Regal Biltmore Grande.
(Snow White photo courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures; The Alto Knights photo courtesy of Warner Bros.)
